~Teenage-Valentino

Kimi got horribly sick, about 2 hours after i caught her..i thought she was just avoiding talking and pulling the sick card. Turns out she had an upper resp. infection...now she doesnt...i do.

i spent almost a week sitting at her bed, making her soup, fluffing her pillow, washing and medicating her. (btw im an amazing bed nurse) and wat is my reward?..-drum roll plz-

now im sick...turns out she wasnt faking...im dying over here, and my payment for all the hours and days of room service over at her house is? a couple phone calls where we only talk for a few mins.

so before i get a bunch of people telling me to dump her, remember this..i love her more than you. I trust her (for some reason) more than you. and im not leaving her...cuz so far shes been a good girl...ish.

just updating my condition and life. Cheers!

i caught kimi cheating on me with the guy i knew she was cheating on me with. Am i doomed to being unhappy? I cant sleep, i keep seeing the image of her and "alex" parking his car to the side of her house so she wont get caught. She planned it. she told him to park there so they wouldn't be seen. He was gonna park in the front of the house then moved. She planned it. It didn't just happen...She planned it. She told him to do it.

and you know what the kicker is?

I'm sitting here on her computer at 4:30 in the morning unable to sleep. I'm still here. I still love and care about her. I have a broken wrist and finger from fighting this guy. (which he kicked my ass). A headache that wont go away...and every time i close my eyes something in the back of my head says "She planned it".

Why am I being punished?


please comment. i need an outside voice

soo uh..ya wow.



CHERYL CALLED!! idk why this is such a big deal to me but, SHE CALLED!!! AHH!! -backflip- and shes doing fine, and shes a lil broke at the moment but shes getting things together and she has a new man toy and shes home for christmas and -dance- she called me and said merry christmas and we talked...



...and i acted like a retard. -facepalm- and wow i feel dumb lol. i couldnt put words together and i couldnt stop saying "hi!" and her family still hates me and she prob thinks im tres-annoying, but none of this matters because her life is going well and she doesnt hate me enough to not call me, which means she doesnt hate me at all which means life is sweet!!!!!


and if ur reading this then uhh...hi?!

"Your eyes can be so cruel, just as I can be so cruel"

its weird. ( yes yet another introspective journal in a good way ) how new fallen snow and a drive through the backroads in the morning can make you feel. i called a few people whilst i was on my drive trying to see how they were doing (most of them arent awake apparently at 6:00am) i miss people but clean snow can mean clean beginnings as was found when outta nowhere a few people jumped back into the limelight that is my life. im tired but i wish to be awake for what this day may bring. im starting to believe kimi and i arent going to last through this winter. tension is high and drama runs deep between us somedays. she was a great friend but i think we were better as friends, but im scared to lose her should things get ....fucked up.

my music isnt getting made because of my own stupidity, i keep throwing so much burden onto tony it sickens me. i wonder if he'd be better off without me somedays. we need more people in this band of ours or it wont work, the gaps and lack of taught training of my craft is showing through. Learning somebody elses work is easy, but making and understanding your own is seemingly too hard for me.

i miss being on the road, sometimes i wonder if i want to be on the road for my music, or if i want my music to keep me on the road.

cheryl is right, i have issues.

Aim... Majere2488

"Your eyes can be so cruel, just as I can be so cruel"

to everybody on my behalf, hope everything is safe and wonderful this year!

much love.
-mike

Aim... Majere2488